I am a Black Belt.

I still can't help but to feel pretentious saying that but, in August 2013, I indeed earned a 1st Degree Black Belt in Karate with the Power of One studio in Long Beach, CA.

No, I can't kick over the top of your melon.  No, I can't do the splits like Van Damme.  No, I can't break a block of bricks with my head (or with any other part of my body).  No, I do not think I can fight in the UFC.  No, I do not know of any superior technique to defeat all others.  And no, much to my dismay, no, I do not know how to throw a smoke bomb and vanish without a trace confounding any would be attacker.  (My inner 10 year old boy is sorely disappointed about this fact).

I am however, more at ease with myself than I was nearly 5 years ago, before I ventured into the dojo.  There's no kidding myself now.  I now know I decide how I feel.  I now know I can challenge my mind and body more strenuously than I thought possible, and believe in my abilities to meet any challenge I dream up.

I have been putting off writing this entry trying to come up with a cool, creative way to describe the journey, to come up with decorative elaborations of what I mean in the previous paragraph.  My 2 cents  is this...shut up, get on the ride and lock the door behind you.

There were times when I was ready to quit.  There were moments that sucked.  I verbalized my doubt and created in my mind every excuse why I couldn't.  I lost weight.  I gained weight.  I was a lazy bitch (most of the time you're your own worst obstacle).  There were hundreds of bumps and bruises (of the body and ego), sprains and tears, literal blood, sweat, and tears, and one dislocated shoulder.

But it's the ride maaan! (insert cool hippy/cosmic guru voice here)  It's the ride.  Abundant were the moments I wanted to jump off, the regret would have been unbearable.  The mental gymnastics I engaged in my mind, such wasted efforts to justify quitting were so silly, and embarrassingly lame. (Only in hindsight now, because I was fully justified in my mind then).  And that's just it, in order to understand who you really are, and not what diluted projection of what you think you are, you have to put yourself in the uncomfortable.  The amount of bullshit you can conjure up becomes very limited when you are forced to "put up or shut up".  You can't improve if you don't know, or won't admit your short comings.  Testing for Black Belt in my studio has been one of the best vehicles for such a task.  I am thankful for every sweat soaked hour spent on the mat, and every single person along the way whether they were student or teacher.

The foundation has been laid.  No longer can I accept to be static.  Movement must continue.  I will continue to write, continue the martial arts, continue to better myself and my family.  More tools are at my disposal, more projects to undertake.

Oos!